I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
