I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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