I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
