I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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