the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
