So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
