I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
