just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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