No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
