I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
