My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
