I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dear god my vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
