I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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