I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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