she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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