no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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