Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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