i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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