you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
