I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
