Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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