i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
