Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
4 words: hood of his car
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
