matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
