I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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