a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize