just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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