she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize