Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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