remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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