It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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