I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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