you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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