I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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