wanna go halves on a baby?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I did not marry a roomba.
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