you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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