Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
