Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I puked a lego.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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