both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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