margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can I color on your dick again?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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