My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
