if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
