By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
