he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
