Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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