So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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