my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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