so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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