two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
