i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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