the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
