Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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