So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
