you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
