Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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