One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
