Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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