Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
